That is correct. I am having a super-duper silly-sally totally-terrific awesomely-awesome day. I lost my wallet. I still have a cold. My gas tank is on E. Gah. Things are bad, but they could be much, much worse.
Someone jumped (or fell) off of the roof to the parking garage today. That is approximately 5 stories and then pavement. Wonderful. The police were all over it and there is still no word on the poor soul's condition. I am so glad that is not me.
I could also be a lot of other places in the world that aren't as nice as CT. Like, oh, I don't know, North Korea? That would be a lot worse. Or maybe New Zealand, oh wait, that would be better. Japan? No, I'd rather be there too. West coast? No, not that. OK, so there are some places not as good as here. Today was a beautiful fall day. And I lost my wallet.
So there are a lot of people less fortunate than me, and I feel bad complaining about a lost wallet, but seriously. It still sucks.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Bush Lied, They Died
I was very pleased yesterday when the long awaited T-shirt of destiny arrived. I purchased it here
It says: "Bush Lied" on the front and "They Died" on the back. It also says at the top "3,734 U.S. Troops Who Died in Iraq from March 20, 2003 Through August 30, 2007" and then lists the names of all the fallen.
This shirt means a lot to me because it seems to embody most things that are troubling me at the moment. I get so incredibly stressed every time that I think about the atrocities of war and the possibility of another senseless "conflict" in Iran. I hate it, every second of it. War is destroying our economy, destroying our future, destroying our youth. What kind of country is this where the government can wiretap us at will, with no real reason at all? What kind of country is this where the president can just decide not to listen to a word congress says? What kind of nation are we creating when we let our president, who has the intellectual capacity of a two-year-old (and temper tantrums to match), lie and cheat and rape his own people day in and day out?
What kind of future are we creating for the youth? I am 20 years old. I want to have kids someday, but not in a place like this. I do not want to have anything to do with this country if it continues on the path on which it seemingly is stuck, like when your axle breaks in Oregon trail or your ox dies. But, that is game. Mr. Bush, this is our life. This is not a game.
What bothers me the most is the amount of apathy that I see. When I think about the movies and documentaries and books that I have read about the Vietnam era, I see people doing something, anything, to get their country back. Today, I see nothing. There are protests now and then, but the media doesn't seem to be covering it. Congress doesn't really seem to care enough to do anything to help. The executive branch certainly doesn't give them a second look. And, our fearless leaders have started spouting the same bullshit about WMDs in Iran. Just today a headline on Digg.com was about Iran now has "trillions of atoms" that they MIGHT be able to use to create a (nuk*u*lur) weapon. You know what? We are trillions of dollars in debt. We can't balance a budget. We can't afford the war in which we are ALREADY involved. Mr. Bush, when are you going to care about the American people? This debt is going to fall to me. I am going to be taxed out of my mind in the coming years, and the years after that, and the years after that. For what? Because YOU are a greedy bastard who cares only about himself and the oil that makes your fat side-kick rich.
The economy is going down the toilet. Say what you will about Clinton, but we had a surplus! We paid back some of the national debt. The economy was good. Then BAM. September 11th. You know what? That infamous day could have had very different consequences. We could have NOT invaded Iraq. What a different, SAFER place the world would be then.
So, thats why I like this T-shirt. All of my worries, they ALL stem back to this. You lied, Mr. Bush. They died. And we, along with the rest of the world, are suffering because of that. We lost friends, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters. All of them needlessly, for "Operation Iraqi Freedom". Iraqi freedom, at the expense of ours? You truly are a sick, twisted man.
It says: "Bush Lied" on the front and "They Died" on the back. It also says at the top "3,734 U.S. Troops Who Died in Iraq from March 20, 2003 Through August 30, 2007" and then lists the names of all the fallen.
This shirt means a lot to me because it seems to embody most things that are troubling me at the moment. I get so incredibly stressed every time that I think about the atrocities of war and the possibility of another senseless "conflict" in Iran. I hate it, every second of it. War is destroying our economy, destroying our future, destroying our youth. What kind of country is this where the government can wiretap us at will, with no real reason at all? What kind of country is this where the president can just decide not to listen to a word congress says? What kind of nation are we creating when we let our president, who has the intellectual capacity of a two-year-old (and temper tantrums to match), lie and cheat and rape his own people day in and day out?
What kind of future are we creating for the youth? I am 20 years old. I want to have kids someday, but not in a place like this. I do not want to have anything to do with this country if it continues on the path on which it seemingly is stuck, like when your axle breaks in Oregon trail or your ox dies. But, that is game. Mr. Bush, this is our life. This is not a game.
What bothers me the most is the amount of apathy that I see. When I think about the movies and documentaries and books that I have read about the Vietnam era, I see people doing something, anything, to get their country back. Today, I see nothing. There are protests now and then, but the media doesn't seem to be covering it. Congress doesn't really seem to care enough to do anything to help. The executive branch certainly doesn't give them a second look. And, our fearless leaders have started spouting the same bullshit about WMDs in Iran. Just today a headline on Digg.com was about Iran now has "trillions of atoms" that they MIGHT be able to use to create a (nuk*u*lur) weapon. You know what? We are trillions of dollars in debt. We can't balance a budget. We can't afford the war in which we are ALREADY involved. Mr. Bush, when are you going to care about the American people? This debt is going to fall to me. I am going to be taxed out of my mind in the coming years, and the years after that, and the years after that. For what? Because YOU are a greedy bastard who cares only about himself and the oil that makes your fat side-kick rich.
The economy is going down the toilet. Say what you will about Clinton, but we had a surplus! We paid back some of the national debt. The economy was good. Then BAM. September 11th. You know what? That infamous day could have had very different consequences. We could have NOT invaded Iraq. What a different, SAFER place the world would be then.
So, thats why I like this T-shirt. All of my worries, they ALL stem back to this. You lied, Mr. Bush. They died. And we, along with the rest of the world, are suffering because of that. We lost friends, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters. All of them needlessly, for "Operation Iraqi Freedom". Iraqi freedom, at the expense of ours? You truly are a sick, twisted man.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Creatively Inadequate
Today I feel creatively inadequate. I have this deep sense of disappointment with myself because I feel like I should be somewhere else, doing anything but what I am doing right now, which is sitting in a room by myself for 8 hours "working". I feel like I should be somebody, anybody, but me. I don't know why. I am happy and healthy. I am in college; I get good grades. I have a boyfriend and lots of wonderful friends. In spite of all of this, I can't help but feel like I have no idea where I am going, what I want to be, where I want to go, what I want to do with myself, what I should do with myself, what I am doing, or who the hell I even am anymore. It is like I have reached a quarter-life crisis.
I just have this overwhelming sense of failure. I think it is because all of my life school and society have taught me to think and act a certain way. They have taught me that by age 18 I should be accepted into a great college, that by age 20 I should have met the man of my dreams, that by age 25 I should be thinking about getting married. I should have a career and a house and a husband and a family. All along the way I should be thanking God for all these wonderful gifts. Too many people in my life have said to me "Things happen for a reason". I used to say that too. Everything that ever went wrong, I used to believe, was because "Things will always work out for the best in the end". I used to have unwaivering faith in these two principles, and in God.
Now, I find myself believing that all I have is the present. This ONE life, this ONE opportunity to do everything that I want to do. I find myself wanting to break away from all of those things that school and society told me over the years. I placed third in my high school class, and the other day I actually told someone that I thought grades and high school were both meaningless. I didn't go to a private college, I went to a second-tier state school. I no longer find myself saying "Everything happens for a reason" and "Things always work out for the best". I don't believe that anymore. I just feel like there are so many choices that I have to make, and each one, while right for myself, seems like it flies in the face of everything I once believed in; everything that was ever taught to me.
I feel like a rebel, but not the kind that anyone aspires to be. I feel like the kind of rebel who isn't actually trying to rebel against anything, but finds herself suddenly opposed to the way things are. I feel like society would look at me and, if they could read my mind, would think "Wow, she is messing up". I feel like they would judge me, and I hate that. I hate how people judge other people.
Now, let me make it clear that I do not care what society thinks of me. I told my Mom that once, that I didn't care what people thought of me, and she cried. She was genuinely upset. I still don't fully understand why. The thing is, I just desperately want to do something, to be someone, to mean something to someone. I want to exist beyond the confines of my body and mind. I want to make a difference. And, here I am: blogging. I feel so grossly inadequate. I want to do something with this life! I don't want to graduate college and get a job and then live to work. What kind of life is that? And yet, as I express those feelings, I feel like people don't understand them.
I feel out of touch with humanity, more than ever before. I find that I can not relate to even my friends sometimes. My boyfriend tries so hard to be exactly what I want and need. Our relationship used to work out so well, everything about it was spectacular. Yet, I find myself tiring of his presence. What is wrong with me? I feel so completely and utterly lost within myself. I wake up in the morning and do the same thing, every day. I want to do things differently, to live spontaneously, but I feel like I don't have that opportunity. I have to work. I have to go to class. I have to study. Then, I cook and clean and go to bed. There is nothing else to do because my day is over. Midnight is upon me and my eyelids grow heavy. Next day, same thing.
I just have this overwhelming sense of failure. I think it is because all of my life school and society have taught me to think and act a certain way. They have taught me that by age 18 I should be accepted into a great college, that by age 20 I should have met the man of my dreams, that by age 25 I should be thinking about getting married. I should have a career and a house and a husband and a family. All along the way I should be thanking God for all these wonderful gifts. Too many people in my life have said to me "Things happen for a reason". I used to say that too. Everything that ever went wrong, I used to believe, was because "Things will always work out for the best in the end". I used to have unwaivering faith in these two principles, and in God.
Now, I find myself believing that all I have is the present. This ONE life, this ONE opportunity to do everything that I want to do. I find myself wanting to break away from all of those things that school and society told me over the years. I placed third in my high school class, and the other day I actually told someone that I thought grades and high school were both meaningless. I didn't go to a private college, I went to a second-tier state school. I no longer find myself saying "Everything happens for a reason" and "Things always work out for the best". I don't believe that anymore. I just feel like there are so many choices that I have to make, and each one, while right for myself, seems like it flies in the face of everything I once believed in; everything that was ever taught to me.
I feel like a rebel, but not the kind that anyone aspires to be. I feel like the kind of rebel who isn't actually trying to rebel against anything, but finds herself suddenly opposed to the way things are. I feel like society would look at me and, if they could read my mind, would think "Wow, she is messing up". I feel like they would judge me, and I hate that. I hate how people judge other people.
Now, let me make it clear that I do not care what society thinks of me. I told my Mom that once, that I didn't care what people thought of me, and she cried. She was genuinely upset. I still don't fully understand why. The thing is, I just desperately want to do something, to be someone, to mean something to someone. I want to exist beyond the confines of my body and mind. I want to make a difference. And, here I am: blogging. I feel so grossly inadequate. I want to do something with this life! I don't want to graduate college and get a job and then live to work. What kind of life is that? And yet, as I express those feelings, I feel like people don't understand them.
I feel out of touch with humanity, more than ever before. I find that I can not relate to even my friends sometimes. My boyfriend tries so hard to be exactly what I want and need. Our relationship used to work out so well, everything about it was spectacular. Yet, I find myself tiring of his presence. What is wrong with me? I feel so completely and utterly lost within myself. I wake up in the morning and do the same thing, every day. I want to do things differently, to live spontaneously, but I feel like I don't have that opportunity. I have to work. I have to go to class. I have to study. Then, I cook and clean and go to bed. There is nothing else to do because my day is over. Midnight is upon me and my eyelids grow heavy. Next day, same thing.
South Korea!
So, after my last post about Japan, I decided to go to the Center for International Education and check out my study abroad options. I discovered that there is a "substantial" scholarship for students wanting to travel to South Korea. After some searching it looks like I could go to S. Korea for very very little, nearly free, or, I could pay probably close to $10,000 to go to Japan.
This is a dilemma. I like Japan, a lot. However, Seoul SK sounds awesome. I really just want to travel, and I think that I would be dumb not to spend a semester abroad if it would be nearly free. But, again, I am having problems rationalizing the whole situation because studying abroad would set me back a semester and I would not graduate on time :(
Too many things to think about and not enough information...
This is a dilemma. I like Japan, a lot. However, Seoul SK sounds awesome. I really just want to travel, and I think that I would be dumb not to spend a semester abroad if it would be nearly free. But, again, I am having problems rationalizing the whole situation because studying abroad would set me back a semester and I would not graduate on time :(
Too many things to think about and not enough information...
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