Stellar Astronomy and TCP/IP

I had a wonderful conversation with a friend of mine this morning.  I consider him to be a very intelligent individual, and he commented that I am more intelligent than the average girl he meets.  I took this to be a fantastic compliment coming from him because I admire his wisdom and knack for compelling conversation greatly.  We were discussing female intelligence because he commented that he finds it attractive, where his roommate does not.  As such, the roommate never has a problem finding girls who suit his tastes, and my friend often has trouble. This is also the reason that I have trouble finding girls who I can be friends with.  I enjoy surrounding myself with intelligent people with whom I can have a meaningful conversation.  

Please, let me clarify.  You don't have to have discovered the code for DNA.  However, I find it difficult to have a wonderful conversation with a shallow, blubbering idiot.  This does not mean that you aren't a good person, it just means that you would be slightly less interesting.

Thusly, I have very few female friends.  Most females my age that I meet are either very materialistic, shallow, or have completely different interests as me.  I am a huge nerd.  I love talking about computers and websites and outer space.  All of it just blows my mind.  Most girls don't care.  I have two close female friends who I see on a regular basis.  They both like that sort of thing and are intelligent people.

So I mentioned to my friend that I too have trouble finding people of the female persuasion who suit my tastes for friendship.  He seemed to be losing hope because most of the intelligent girls he meets are either 1) hideous or 2) taken or 3) uninterested.  It was at this point that I told him not to worry, and I unlocked the secrets to the geeky-nerdy-intelligent-girl universe.

I, for the first time, tried to understand how and why I am attracted to people.  This is different for everyone, but it may be similar for some of the intelligent women in your life.  Here it is:

1) There IS an attractiveness prerequisite.

Think of this as Math 101.  You have to take it.   However, once it is met, it doesn't really count much for anything else.  I have a fairly low attractiveness standard.  You can't have three eyes.  This standard is different for everyone, and everyone has one.  It does not mean they are shallow, it means they are human.

2) Once the prereq is met, I have to be able to have an engaging, meaningful, intelligent conversation with them.

Basically, if we have Mr. Tall Dark And Handsome and Mr. Just Above The Prereq, if they BOTH exhibit equally awesome conversation capabilities, they are pretty much on a level playing field.  For me, at least, physical attractiveness only works to get your foot in the door.  Think of it as your resume.  The interview is what gets you the job.

3)  Level of Emo-ness.

Everyone has moments.  I understand this.  But, insecurity is not attractive.  Not many people enjoy dating someone that they have to "fix".  I will be a shoulder to cry on if you need it, but you can't need it every week.  Be confident in who you are.  Be comfortable with yourself.  That is all I ask.

So basically, for me, there are three ways to measure the attractiveness of a person in the beginning stages of knowing them.  The MOST IMPORTANT is the ability to carry on a conversation.  So, if you know a girl who enjoys intellectual pursuits, is pretty dorky, and likes dorky guys, she might have similar ways to gauge attractiveness, whether she knows it or not.  Just something to keep in mind...

^_^

KYAA JAPAN

Words can not begin to describe how happy I am at this very moment.  My final exams are over, and I just found out from my Mom that my Christmas present is that she is going to loan me the money required for me to take the trip to Japan this summer.  I am so pumped.  This is going to be the most amazing thing ever :)

More to come once I work out all of the details :)

^___________^

Digg Quilt Finished

Hey guys.   I haven't written in forever because school has been crazy and I have been pouring 6-8 hours a day into this quilt.  I have never sewn before, so I hoped that it would come out ok.  There are things that I wish were better, but overall I think I did a pretty good job.  One side is the Digg logo, and the other side is a simple white and black check pattern.  It measures approximately 4'x6".   It is cotton on the outside with a double layer of fleece on the inside.  Trust me when I say that it is very, very snuggable.

Edit:  I really really REALLY want to go to Japan this summer, so I will give this to anyone who is willing to donate the $2,800 I need for the trip =p  Otherwise, I'll just snuggle it.

Lost My Wallet.

That is correct. I am having a super-duper silly-sally totally-terrific awesomely-awesome day. I lost my wallet. I still have a cold. My gas tank is on E. Gah. Things are bad, but they could be much, much worse.

Someone jumped (or fell) off of the roof to the parking garage today. That is approximately 5 stories and then pavement. Wonderful. The police were all over it and there is still no word on the poor soul's condition. I am so glad that is not me.

I could also be a lot of other places in the world that aren't as nice as CT. Like, oh, I don't know, North Korea? That would be a lot worse. Or maybe New Zealand, oh wait, that would be better. Japan? No, I'd rather be there too. West coast? No, not that. OK, so there are some places not as good as here. Today was a beautiful fall day. And I lost my wallet.

So there are a lot of people less fortunate than me, and I feel bad complaining about a lost wallet, but seriously. It still sucks.

Bush Lied, They Died

I was very pleased yesterday when the long awaited T-shirt of destiny arrived. I purchased it here

It says: "Bush Lied" on the front and "They Died" on the back. It also says at the top "3,734 U.S. Troops Who Died in Iraq from March 20, 2003 Through August 30, 2007" and then lists the names of all the fallen.

This shirt means a lot to me because it seems to embody most things that are troubling me at the moment. I get so incredibly stressed every time that I think about the atrocities of war and the possibility of another senseless "conflict" in Iran. I hate it, every second of it. War is destroying our economy, destroying our future, destroying our youth. What kind of country is this where the government can wiretap us at will, with no real reason at all? What kind of country is this where the president can just decide not to listen to a word congress says? What kind of nation are we creating when we let our president, who has the intellectual capacity of a two-year-old (and temper tantrums to match), lie and cheat and rape his own people day in and day out?

What kind of future are we creating for the youth? I am 20 years old. I want to have kids someday, but not in a place like this. I do not want to have anything to do with this country if it continues on the path on which it seemingly is stuck, like when your axle breaks in Oregon trail or your ox dies. But, that is game. Mr. Bush, this is our life. This is not a game.

What bothers me the most is the amount of apathy that I see. When I think about the movies and documentaries and books that I have read about the Vietnam era, I see people doing something, anything, to get their country back. Today, I see nothing. There are protests now and then, but the media doesn't seem to be covering it. Congress doesn't really seem to care enough to do anything to help. The executive branch certainly doesn't give them a second look. And, our fearless leaders have started spouting the same bullshit about WMDs in Iran. Just today a headline on Digg.com was about Iran now has "trillions of atoms" that they MIGHT be able to use to create a (nuk*u*lur) weapon. You know what? We are trillions of dollars in debt. We can't balance a budget. We can't afford the war in which we are ALREADY involved. Mr. Bush, when are you going to care about the American people? This debt is going to fall to me. I am going to be taxed out of my mind in the coming years, and the years after that, and the years after that. For what? Because YOU are a greedy bastard who cares only about himself and the oil that makes your fat side-kick rich.

The economy is going down the toilet. Say what you will about Clinton, but we had a surplus! We paid back some of the national debt. The economy was good. Then BAM. September 11th. You know what? That infamous day could have had very different consequences. We could have NOT invaded Iraq. What a different, SAFER place the world would be then.

So, thats why I like this T-shirt. All of my worries, they ALL stem back to this. You lied, Mr. Bush. They died. And we, along with the rest of the world, are suffering because of that. We lost friends, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters. All of them needlessly, for "Operation Iraqi Freedom". Iraqi freedom, at the expense of ours? You truly are a sick, twisted man.

Creatively Inadequate

Today I feel creatively inadequate. I have this deep sense of disappointment with myself because I feel like I should be somewhere else, doing anything but what I am doing right now, which is sitting in a room by myself for 8 hours "working". I feel like I should be somebody, anybody, but me. I don't know why. I am happy and healthy. I am in college; I get good grades. I have a boyfriend and lots of wonderful friends. In spite of all of this, I can't help but feel like I have no idea where I am going, what I want to be, where I want to go, what I want to do with myself, what I should do with myself, what I am doing, or who the hell I even am anymore. It is like I have reached a quarter-life crisis.

I just have this overwhelming sense of failure. I think it is because all of my life school and society have taught me to think and act a certain way. They have taught me that by age 18 I should be accepted into a great college, that by age 20 I should have met the man of my dreams, that by age 25 I should be thinking about getting married. I should have a career and a house and a husband and a family. All along the way I should be thanking God for all these wonderful gifts. Too many people in my life have said to me "Things happen for a reason". I used to say that too. Everything that ever went wrong, I used to believe, was because "Things will always work out for the best in the end". I used to have unwaivering faith in these two principles, and in God.

Now, I find myself believing that all I have is the present. This ONE life, this ONE opportunity to do everything that I want to do. I find myself wanting to break away from all of those things that school and society told me over the years. I placed third in my high school class, and the other day I actually told someone that I thought grades and high school were both meaningless. I didn't go to a private college, I went to a second-tier state school. I no longer find myself saying "Everything happens for a reason" and "Things always work out for the best". I don't believe that anymore. I just feel like there are so many choices that I have to make, and each one, while right for myself, seems like it flies in the face of everything I once believed in; everything that was ever taught to me.

I feel like a rebel, but not the kind that anyone aspires to be. I feel like the kind of rebel who isn't actually trying to rebel against anything, but finds herself suddenly opposed to the way things are. I feel like society would look at me and, if they could read my mind, would think "Wow, she is messing up". I feel like they would judge me, and I hate that. I hate how people judge other people.

Now, let me make it clear that I do not care what society thinks of me. I told my Mom that once, that I didn't care what people thought of me, and she cried. She was genuinely upset. I still don't fully understand why. The thing is, I just desperately want to do something, to be someone, to mean something to someone. I want to exist beyond the confines of my body and mind. I want to make a difference. And, here I am: blogging. I feel so grossly inadequate. I want to do something with this life! I don't want to graduate college and get a job and then live to work. What kind of life is that? And yet, as I express those feelings, I feel like people don't understand them.

I feel out of touch with humanity, more than ever before. I find that I can not relate to even my friends sometimes. My boyfriend tries so hard to be exactly what I want and need. Our relationship used to work out so well, everything about it was spectacular. Yet, I find myself tiring of his presence. What is wrong with me? I feel so completely and utterly lost within myself. I wake up in the morning and do the same thing, every day. I want to do things differently, to live spontaneously, but I feel like I don't have that opportunity. I have to work. I have to go to class. I have to study. Then, I cook and clean and go to bed. There is nothing else to do because my day is over. Midnight is upon me and my eyelids grow heavy. Next day, same thing.

South Korea!

So, after my last post about Japan, I decided to go to the Center for International Education and check out my study abroad options. I discovered that there is a "substantial" scholarship for students wanting to travel to South Korea. After some searching it looks like I could go to S. Korea for very very little, nearly free, or, I could pay probably close to $10,000 to go to Japan.

This is a dilemma. I like Japan, a lot. However, Seoul SK sounds awesome. I really just want to travel, and I think that I would be dumb not to spend a semester abroad if it would be nearly free. But, again, I am having problems rationalizing the whole situation because studying abroad would set me back a semester and I would not graduate on time :(

Too many things to think about and not enough information...

Net Neutrality Thesis Update

So I finally got around to getting some books from the library for my thesis. Today, I have 9. Friday, I will most likely go back and grab another 10. I also downloaded a bunch of PDFs relevant to my topic. I am DREADING reading all of this stuff, not for lack of interest, but for lack of time.

I am really psyched to write this thesis. I feel like it will be a really really great thing once it is done. It just seems like an enormous amount of work. >_<

In other news, two girls in the study area that I am in are arguing about how bitchy this other girl is. I hate girls.

To Japan, or not to Japan

I have been toying with the idea of studying abroad as of late. It all started when a guy came into my thesis prep class and talked to us about studying abroad, and how much I should really do it. The thing is, I am on track to graduate. ON TIME. In a total of 4 years I will have earned my Bachelors Degree in Management Information Systems, completed an undergraduate thesis on Network Neutrality, and met some of the most amazing people ever. All this after switching majors, not once, but twice. 130 something credits, one summer class, and 5 W's later I will have that piece of paper in my hand. I love the idea of that. I fall in love with ideas a lot these days.

I would love to go to Japan. I don't speak Japanese. I would love to be able to study abroad. I would love to be able to study abroad in JAPAN. I would love to graduate on time. I can't do all of these things. If I study abroad in Japan, none of the classes that I take will count for anything, because all of the required coursework that I have left must be completed at my university. Balls.

Oh, I forgot to mention that for 4 years I go to school for free. I got a scholarship. I have a small amount of student loans, but those are mostly for living on campus and apartments and food and stuff. So, if I took a semester abroad, I would:

1) Not be able to graduate on time.
2) Actually have to pay for it.
3) Delay getting a job and not being poor anymore for an additional 4-6 months.
4) Have to take Japanese classes.

About point #4. As of now, I can take 6 classes next semester, 5 the following, 4 the semester after that and graduate on time. If I went to Japan my course-load would look like this:

Spring '08 : 6 classes (shoot me now, this includes a THESIS)
Fall '09 : 6 classes (please, just kill me, this includes most of my MIS classes and JAPANESE)
Spring '09 : 5 classes (GAH a fucking capstone course, all the rest of MIS, AND JAPANESE)

Then, I would get to party in Japan. Oh yeah, and take classes.

MORE CLASSES. Hopefully, I would become fluent. I could take classes in calligraphy, flower arranging, and stuff like that. It would be FUN. I could see the world. I could go to the place that I have always wanted to go, more than just about any place on Earth.

Why the fuck is there even a debate here?

The reason is because I hate how expensive college is. I hate how much it is costing me even though I have a scholarship because I still have to pay to live at school, and that is fucking expensive. $7 a meal to eat in that shitty dining hall. All you can eat is no good if you can't eat anything that won't make you sick.

I hate how colleges screw you over. I hate how most people I know can't graduate in the normal 4 years because they were misadvised and took classes that they did not need. I LOVE the idea of graduating on time because it feels like I am beating the very system designed to make me go into debt for the rest of my life. I want so badly to be able to say "I did it! I actually graduated in 4 years!"

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I also am in love with the idea of going to Japan.

In God We Trust???

So I saw this the other day while driving home:



Now, I don't live anywhere near Indiana. I have never seen a license plate from there before. I was appalled. This has never occurred to me in the past before, but I thought to myself "What the fuck is wrong with this country that everything has to be 'In God We Trust' and never 'In Ourselves We Trust'?"

I am not an atheist. I happen to be Christian. I went to a private, religious school until 8th grade, not for religion, but because the education was better. However, from that great foundation of education I learned to think and act for myself.

So now, it seems so difficult to think that so many people in this country can so easily place all their faith in an invisible being for whom they have no proof of existence. God is just as likely not to be around as he is to be a flying spaghetti monster or that benevolent being that so many people blindly place their trust in. Religion is ruining this country. Any time that people take everything at face value, as they do religion; when they place all of their trust in one entity, bad things are bound to happen.

The religious right, the extremists, of this country on a crusade to save the world from homosexuals and Harry Potter, are poisoning this great nation. They are infiltrating our government - no - they are being elected! We are letting these crazies make decisions for us. They are on a crusade to restore the Jewish homeland so the end of the world can happen and they can witness the second coming of Jesus Christ. They are willing to destroy this planet for their own selfish means.

HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE??!?!! Aren't Christians supposed to care about others, to respect things that God has created -- like, you know, the EARTH, and humans?

This doesn't even begin to explain the frustration that I have every single day resulting from close-minded people like them. Harry Potter is not ruining this country. They are. This country in general has become so concerned with spreading democracy and freedom that we have destroyed it here. Surely we have lost our way.

And, for all of these reasons, that picture above made me so fucking angry. I just wish people would place a little faith in themselves and take control of this country.

Prior Permission From Government to be Required for Each Flight

An insane new law may be coming that requires every US citizen flying both domestically and internationally to get credentials and permission. I can not even begin to express my outrage now that I have heard about this. I feel like my own government is trying to turn me into a prisoner. Isn't America supposed to be a free country? Aren't we supposed to be able to go where we please, do as we please? WHAT THE FUCK.Every time that I see something like this I can't help but feel like the government is slowly turning into Nazi Germany, or North Korea, or China. And most people, who don't care about our government, will just sit down and let that happen.Not me. I am so sick of this shit.

read more | digg story

Net Neutrality Update

Heyo -

I have been doing some research for my network neutrality thesis. The fruits of my labor have left me with a general outline of my thesis and a base to start additional research.

Thesis Statement: Network neutrality must be preserved due to the fact that it is a vitally important component of freedom here in America and the most important invention of the twentieth century.

Chapter 1: A History of the Internet

Chapter 2: The Role of the Internet in Communication and the Economy

Chapter 3: What is Network Neutrality and Why Does it Matter?

Chapter 4: Legislation Regarding Network Neutrality

Chapter 5: The Future of the Internet in the Current Political Climate


I also hope to include information about how Japan overcame network neutrality struggles and discuss how the current ISP situation is mostly a monopoly.

Here is a list of sources that I would like to use, and any additions or suggestions are welcome:

The Internet and society : a reference handbook
Schell, Bernadette H. (Bernadette Hlubik), 1952-
Santa Barbara, Calif. : ABC-CLIO, c2007

History of the Internet : a chronology, 1843 to the present
Santa Barbara, Calif. : ABC-CLIO, c1999

A brief history of the Internet the bright side : the dark side
Hart, Michael
Champaign, Ill. : Project Gutenberg ; Boulder, Colo. : NetLibrary, [199-?]

Nerds 2.0.1 a brief history of the Internet
[S.l.] : PBS Home Video ; Burbank, CA : distributed by Warner Home Video, c1998

From Gutenberg to the Internet : a sourcebook on the history of information technology
Norman, Jeremy M
Novato, Calif. : Historyofscience.com, 2005

Internet marketing & e-commerce
Hanson, Ward A
Australia ; Mason, OH : Thomson/South-Western, c2007

The multilingual Internet : language, culture, and communication online
Oxford ; New York : Oxford University Press, 2007

Computers, phones, and the Internet : domesticating information technology
Oxford ; New York : Oxford University Press, 2006

Using the Internet for active teaching and learning
Mills, Steven C
Upper Saddle River, N.J. : Pearson/Merrill/Prentice Hall, c2006

The Internet galaxy : reflections on the Internet, business, and society
Castells, Manuel
Oxford ; New York : Oxford University Press, 2001

Promoting high-speed Internet access
McCarthy, Kevin E. (Kevin Edward), 1954-
[Hartford : Connecticut General Assembly, Office of Legislative Research, 2007]

Network neutrality : competition, innovation, and nondiscriminatory access : hearing before the Task Force on Telecom and Antitrust on of the Committee on the Judiciary, House of Representatives, One Hundred Ninth Congress, second session, April 25, 2006
United States. Congress. House. Committee on the Judiciary. Task Force on Telecom and Antitrust
Washington : U.S. G.P.O. : For sale by the Supt. of Docs., U.S. G.P.O., 2006

Network Neutrality: Competition,innovation, and Nondiscriminatory,... Hrg.... Serial No. 109-109... Committee on the Judiciary,u.s. House Of
Congress -- Committee on Judiciary (House)

Net neutrality or net neutering : should broadband internet services be regulated
New York, NY : Springer, c2006

Net neutrality : hearing before the Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation, United States Senate, One Hundred Ninth Congress, second session, February 7, 2006
United States. Congress. Senate. Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation
Washington : U.S. G.P.O. : For sale by the Supt. of Docs., U.S. G.P.O., 2006

http://www.news.com/8301-13578_3-9800629-38.html?part=rss&subj=news&tag=2547-1_3-0-5

Internet Spyware (I-SPY) Prevention Act of 2007: report (to accompany H.R. 1525) (including cost estimate of the Congressional Budget Office)
United States. Congress. House. Committee on the Judiciary
[Washington, D.C. : U.S. G.P.O., 2007]

Investigations involving the Internet and computer networks
[Washington, D.C.] : U.S. Dept. of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice [2007]

26th annual institute on computer & Internet law : strategies for information security, corporate governance & in-house counsel
Computer & Internet Law Institute (26th : 2006)
New York, NY : Practising Law Institute, c2006

Internet access tax moratorium revenue impacts will vary by state : report to congressional committees
United States. Government Accountability Office
[Washington, D.C.] : U.S. Government Accountability Office, [2006]

Internet and the law : technology, society, and compromises
Schwabach, Aaron
Santa Barbara, Calif. : ABC-CLIO, c2006

Internet Freedom and Nondiscrimination Act of 2006 : report (to accompany H.R. 5417) (including cost estimate of the Congressional Budget Office)
United States. Congress. House. Committee on the Judiciary
[Washington, D.C. : U.S. G.P.O., 2006]

The future of the internet II
Anderson, Janna Quitney, 1955-
Washington, D.C. : Pew Internet & American Life Project, 2006



^_^

Grad Schools...and stuff.

I want to go to grad school, most likely for IT management. However, I have no idea what else I want. I don't know where I want to go, or what I want to do after I go, or where I want to live when I am done.

*Sigh*

I want to live in a place where I use renewable energy. I recently found out that Washington State uses 90% hydro power. I like that, a lot. Washington is 2,450 miles from here...that is hardly close. And, if I decide to live in a place like that I sure as hell want to go to grad school out there to get a feel for the location, but how to afford that? College is so expensive. I found several schools that have the degree that I am looking for, but they charge upwards of $600 per credit... X_x


And, what to do about the whole situation with jobs. I am confident that I will be able to find a job out there, but what if I don't like it. I have no family out that way, and few of my friends would want to go there. And what about my boyfriend? We have been dating 8 months, but what if we are still together when grad school beckons??? How do I manage THAT?

I have been stressing. I should just relax, but it is not that easy. The semester is flying by and I need to make some decisions here...

*Sigh* Today I decided that I am going out to Oregon and Washington this summer with my roommate. I guess I will be able to make some choices then.

...Idiot.

Sometimes I realize what an idiot I am.

Tonight was one of those nights. One of the downsides of hanging out with guys is that they turn you into a sarcastic asshole. I have become that, and normally it doesn't bother me. However, tonight I realized that sarcastic asshole isn't always the appropriate voice that I want to be speaking in. Fuck.

I wish that there was an IM client that had a delete function that would let you edit your post after you posted it. I could have used one of those.

So I am going to try not to let this bother me and get some sleep. With some luck I will be successful. Ideally, I can practice damage control tomorrow. I hope.

Tomorrow, I will stop making excuses. I hate it when I do that, I really do. And, what gets me is that all that is required of me to stop, is to just stop. Yet, I still have trouble. I should just follow my own advice once in a while.

So, to anyone to whom I have been a sarcastic asshole as of late:

I am sorry. Let me try to fix it.


*sigh*

Cosplay

So I am trying to organize my thoughts and decide what costume(s) I want to make for my trips to Anime Boston and Otakon this year.

For those of you who have NO idea what any of that means, it means that I am a super nerd and there is no help.


I have been toying between a few ideas and I think that I want to go as Haruhi, from the anime the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. She is completely absurd, rude, funny, and bossy. She talks and talks and talks over you and doesn't listen to anything you have to say, so I have been told that it is perfect for me to cosplay as her, because we are essentially the same person.

That is a picture of her up above.

I have also been looking at the possibility of doing her in her space commander costume that she wore in episode 11 or 12 (or 13... i can't remember which) And that would be cool, but entirely not as recognizable.

I will be sure to post pictures as the costume unfolds ^_^

Live Diggnation from London... My Picture = Taliban?

So this morning I woke up and checked my facebook. I saw that my friend John posted something to the effect of:

WHAT!!! god dAM, you were featured on DIGGNATION LIVE??? In LONDON!!! ...You have Beautiful legs... WHO WANTS TO SEE THE LEGS!!!! you are now krose's whore... congrats!


SO... Needless to say I was curious. I thought he was just kidding. However, not being one to take chances, I totally pulled up the latest issue of Diggnation and began watching.

Sure enough...by the end of the episode, there I was. The video can be found here

I almost fainted.


So then... Randomly, Kevin says something about how I look like someone from the Taliban.
...what?

And THEN he says that we can say that because our towers were crashed into?
...what?


Anyhow...

I am not offended, just confused. I mean, I don't think that I look like a member of the taliban... but hell, who knows?


Right now I am just enjoying the temporary spotlight that I have found myself in.


^_^